I don’t really like the champion’s league and I bloody hate the Europa League of second rate challenge cup shield. I might be a bit old school but I was much happier with European competitions before Sky invented football.
The European Cup was entered by the champions of each league. Only the champions, no big spending stragglers who aimed to finish fourth. I even heard a radio show today where the presenter asked should a club aim to try and win the competitors they were still in contention for or sacrifice those to try and finish fourth. What kind of ambition is that? I remember talking to a Liverpool fan a few years back after their Fat waiter had declared their aim was to qualify for the Champion’s League. This poor hub cap thief was disillusioned that a team that considered the title as their own in the 80’s was now hoping to finish fourth.
So once a team has achieved their seasons goal of being third runners up (assuming they beat some schoolboys from Kazakhstan in the qualifying round) they then enter a group where those kind chaps at FIFA have fixed by seeding so that unless they play like a team riddled with leprosy they cannot fail to qualify. Apart from Liverpool.
Thankfully the clubs remember to hike their ticket prices to remind their fans it is a Champion’s League game. Which is a good job because it would be easy to forget as you watch the runners up from the league of Andorra, complete with part time zoo keepers, street sweepers and whale fishermen. Luckily though, if your team fails to beat the street sweepers they can still qualify for the European league of second hand car sales challenge shied that takes place in the Channel 5 studios on a Thursday. Imagine that, a competition that you can play like a team of rotting horse shit in, yet still qualify for something else. In this Thursday night cup your team may be fortunate enough to come up against a UEFA fair play league entrant, a team from any league that has qualified by nature of not collecting many disciplinary points. They may have finished 14th in the league of wales but at least they play nice and your team gets an away match at Flexys Cefn Druids, hopefully they don’t perform human sacrifices anymore.
So to satisfy the TV audience your team sets out with specific target of finding fourth. Wow. They the play against a team of Belarusian vets, which you get charged £60 a ticket for so they can afford to pay for Sapp Batters cheeseburger habit. Sadly your team doesn’t make it through the group stages, but now they qualify for the Thursday night competition by finishing third. Brilliant. This means that they will never again contest a Saturday 3pm kick off because they are still getting a llama ride home from Tajikistan. Then your manager decides to put out the under 11’s in the quarter finals because he wants to concentrate on the Premier League. Why does he want to do that? So your team can qualify for Europe next season.
In summary, finish fourth, third; get knocked out, all so you can ensure a midweek match against Sligo Rovers next season. Well done UEFA now a team can win the Thursday night cup by being knocked out of the Champion’s League which they qualified for by finishing, third. Champions? Bollocks more like.
