Normally this award passes me by without too much notice. It happens so early in the year that it cant really be viewed as a yardstick to measure a season long contribution. I used to use the Football writers award as my measure, but having followed and subsequently unfollowed a lot of them on twitter I now realise that this doesn’t hold much credence either. So lets look at the season that Mr Bale has had so far.
Gareth started the season as 4th choice left back at Spurs and had prepared himself for a quiet year, he had enrolled for a full depilatory programme at the local spa and was doing some part time work as a double for the monkeys at London zoo, whilst they were on training days. A training ground injury to their third choice left back, a donkey named Geoff, gave Gareth his chance and luckily ‘Arry Redknapp, who is not a wheeler dealer by the way, moved him forward to left midfield. The thinking was that when Gareth made his customary fuck up at least there would be another line of defence behind him, and their unfathomably tall Mr Tickle-like goalkeeper, wouldn’t be so exposed. During his first couple of games, Gareth found that the speed he had developed when running away from his customary training ground bollockings could serve him well if he knocked the ball past the full back and ran like he was evading Joe Jordan. It seemed to work.
The excited chap even managed to score a couple of goals, if he swung his left foot as hard as he could and aimed at the general direction of the goal he managed to find moderate success. Then came the moment that Gazza’s life changed. Tottenham went to the San Siro to take on the current Italian and European Champions Inter Milan and he had what some people might describe as a “worldy”. Even though Tottenham managed to lose to a team managed by Rafa “waiter” Benitez, which in itself should shroud the entire playing staff in a cloak of shame, young Bale emerged with a newly established worldwide reputation. Gareth managed a hat trick and tormented Maicon to such an extent that people were calling for a taxi for him. Maicon does actually need a taxi home after games as he is not allowed to drive due to not being able to co-ordinate his left and right feet accordingly, but to call for it while he was still on the pitch seemed a bit mean. In that moment Gareth’s whole career took a new path, but sadly that was his brightest moment in terms of playing. By now the (London based) Media were firing on all cylinders and the ‘Gareth-o-metre’ was swinging off the page. Some journalists actually declared him the best player in the world, their world possibly only encompasses North London otherwise this was a statement as ludicrous as describing the driver of their taxi that morning to be on a par with Sebastien Vettel. Radio media (talkshite) said that they hadn’t seen an impact like it since George Best and that the Tottenham crowd were being treated to a crowd exciter, the like of which hadn’t been seen for fifty years. A few weeks later Tottenham played Manchester United and Gareth was being marked by the young Brazilian, Rafael Da Silva, and during the course of the game he was marked to such a degree that their is talk he may still be sat at the Da Silva residence having only just managed to sneak out of Rafa’s back pocket. So Gareth is now the PFA Player of the Year and although I agree that he is a good player that one day might be looked upon as a great player, he is neither world class, a legend or the best in the world, because as Steven Gerrard told us, that player is Joe Cole.
And what of the the Young Player of the Year – Jack Wilshere? Obviously he plays for a London based club becasue if he was outside of the M25 then the media wouldn’t have been able to navigate the dirt tracks and shanty towns to get to watch him. Jack was found by the Arsenal Manager, Arsene Wenger wondering the streets of North London with just the clothes he was in and £1.29 for a McDonalds double cheeseburger. Arsene immediately identified a burgeoning talent for football and a drive and desire that would fit into Arsenals season, he looked like he could cope with the rigours of playing August to April with no problem whatsoever. Jack was signed and has been slowly working his way to prominence via a loan spell at Bolton and the England youth ranks. It was during his spell at Bolton that he was really picked out as a future star, obviously the brave little mite didn’t know the language having only lived in the south and of course he had to fit in with the playing style of these northern brutes but he coped admirably and also managed not to duff up any of the local taxi drivers which was a bonus in itself.
This season Jack has been instrumental in Arsenal’s development and he is seen as the natural successor to Cesc Fibreglass once he manges to engineer a move to Catalonia. The only concerns for the Arsenal fans seems to be his nationality, but they are undergoing a French conditioning programme for him on an ongoing basis and of course his injury record. So far Jack has yet to suffer any continual niggling injuries that mysteriously keep him out for months at a time, so the Arsenal medical staff are looking at a bone weakening programme that will one day keep him on a par with Dobbin Van Horsie and Thomas Vermaelen in the injury stakes.
So, in my opinion two of the strangest choices for these awards since David Ginola took the title in Manchester United’s 1999 treble winning year, but at least they are both close at hand for the London media to keep an eye on.
