Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. You have heard the evidence in this trial, sponsored by McDonalds, of the good doctor and now it is up to me to sum it up in order to assist you to come to your decision.
This trial has gone on longer than most of us care to admit was possible and we have been forced to listen to a turgid, dull cesspit of evidence. Most of which, I do not doubt bored you to sleep. Luckily for you I took some notes.
Firstly let me come to the defendant. This so-called doctor, a quack, imbecile, buffoon, who allowed himself to ignore his years of training so that instead of performing miracles in a hospital he became a doctor to the rich and famous. Is there a worse kind of parasite? Does that make this man guilty? Well that is for you to decide whether he is capable of killing the prince of pop.
The prince of pop, remember that when considering your verdict. This man who, apart from an ability to sing rather well, may well be considered to be a messiah and the second coming of Christ himself due in no small part to the enormous charity work that he very rarely mentioned.
You may consider, and you may choose to ignore, that this man administered his own medecine that led to his untimely death. You may also choose to ignore as it is no proof of guilt, but I feel duty bound to ensure this sticks indelibly in your mind, that the defendant chose not to take the witness stand himself. You may also wish to remember that, outside this courthouse, there are thousands of fans baying for blood and I would not like to be in your shoes should you come to the wrong decision.
Finally, may I remind you all that you, myself, the defence and prosecution teams all have lucrative media deals lined up once this charade is over.
The final decision is yours and yours only. So, consider the facts and carefully consider your verdict of which book deal is best for you.
