The art of forming relationships
In a world where it is socially acceptable to meet people in a pub/club/ through friends… I again wonder why it is still such a stigma regarding online friendships and relationships?
Face to face there is an instant yes or no attraction, take that away and put in communication, you build up a rapport that is without physical judgement. You take the time to get to know the person and soon get a clear sense of them and whether you want to continue with it online, terminate it, or take it to the next level whether that’s Skype, phone calls, texts or actual face to face.
It also leads to the establishment of friendships and/or relationships that you may not have even considered (if you’d met them face to face initially) That was a very interesting point made by several who responded to questions.
Also, why when meeting someone that way, does it become “sad” or “lonely” or “dangerous” (other people’s comments, not mine)
Is it not equally as dangerous to talk to a “stranger” in a club, Especially if alcohol has been consumed. Is it considered dangerous to maybe dance with a stranger, swap numbers or even go home with him or her…. No? That’s ok? That’s socially acceptable? But to decide to chat to someone online, then decide to meet them….that’s considered more dangerous? Why?
For your friend to set you up with someone that’s “just perfect for you”, why does it need to have had ‘first contact’ with someone, to make it “safe”. [can you see by the number of apostrophes and speech marks I’ve used, shows how sarcastic I am regarding all this. How bemused I am by what is considered safe or correct behaviour]
Forming friendships is all part of life. We think nothing regarding checking which TV, washing machine, computer, etc we want and order online. We shop online and we allow social networking with people we know. Why are we wary regarding socially networking with unknown people? What’s so different by being fussy and sifting out the unwanted features when it comes to picking partners and friends. If you played golf you’d hang out with golfers, if you sang in a choir, other singers. On twitter I talk to like-minded people on like-minded subjects, how are they any different just because it’s not face to face?? Same as any site that brings unknowns together, yes there’s a risk but is this a negative one?
I’m not saying don’t be safe when making new friends/relationships. My question is, why is there still such an antiquated view regarding online as a way of making them?
I’m also not talking about online dating sites……these are specifically used to find a partner. I’m not knocking them. Personally I think they are a good idea, they are tailored to match people together. What im bringing to the table of discussion is online social networking per say. A place where you’ve matched yourself to others and your choice is made by how you interact whilst chatting and sharing. You’ve made and enjoyed the connections and decide to meet them offline. The offline connection establishes itself as a very good friendship or a full-blown relationship. Now the crunch….. Rather than people understanding and being happy for you, they tend to frown and rain on your parade?? Why??
So I did what I always do. I did a general article query “who met their friends and/or partners online and what was the reaction from others to these relationships?”
The responses came pouring in. It was exactly what I thought. The people involved thought it was the best thing they had ever done. great friendships have been established, life partners met, many described their offline meetings with excitement and wonder. Very few described negative experiences. Those who did said it was so much easier to disengage from also (interesting). Others talked of risks they never would normally do eg like me, fly to a destination on my own to meet “strangers” (best experience ever and will be repeated). For most their family or friends thought it was the riskiest and saddest thing they had done….that or the family/friends don’t know how they met or were told they met through a friend or in a pub….. And why didn’t they know? Because of that silly STIGMA again!!! Grrrrrrr. There were very few who got complete support 🙁
I have a few really close friends. Some in real life, some I met online and now have met in real life. Who knows me better…… Would you be surprised if I said my online friends??
Are you braver or more reckless to invest time on someone you can’t see. I’ve blogged about this before, I feel it’s a huge benefit and has made the world smaller. I’ve invested time in many people’s lives and am so glad they have let me.
In an era that is constantly moving forward and embroiled in technology and from the responses I got as I researched this article, using the Internet can be very beneficial. But the sad outcome is, that it’s still frowned upon and not trusted as a good way to make friends and form relationships.
I wonder if this will ever change…..
As always, thank you to all who responded to my queries, your feedback is invaluable and much appreciated.
