Nick Clegg sat on a bench on his veranda gazing out into the countryside. In the distance the Sun was setting casting an orange glow across the horizon. This was his favourite time of day. In this early evening he would sit outside with a glass of something and could be alone with his thoughts. He was thinking about the coalition government and making tough decisions, decisions that he knew were unpopular but they had to be taken for the good of the country.
He took a sip of his vodka and tonic and allowed his eyes to close. He didn’t fall asleep, he was enjoying this quiet time too much for that to happen, and his mind to wander.
Then his eyes opened. he looked into the middle distance and noticed an object. He squinted his eyes to try and get a better view. It was then he recognised what the object was. It appeared to be a gigantic crumpet. Sat on top of it was David Cameron, stark naked, he seemed to be beckoning Nick Clegg towards him.
Clegg stood up, scarcely believing his eyes and unsure whether he wanted to believe them either. David Cameron motioned with his finger that he wanted Nick Clegg to join him. “Come to me, come to me”, he said, “come and join me on the Coalition Crumpet”.
Clegg started to stumble towards the crumpet, he tried to run but his legs just would not move fast enough and he would tumble to his knees. Cameron stroked his finger across the crumpet and put it in his mouth. “Mmmm”, Cameron said “the butter is nice and warm”.
Clegg was beside himself. “Wait!” He shouted. “Wait for me!”
“Come on Nick. Come on Nick”. Cameron said.
“Come on Nick! Come on!” Another voice said. Nick Clegg looked to his right and there was Vince Cable. Clegg suddenly found himself in the Liberal Democrat offices. “Make a decision, Nick. Crumpets or toast for breakfast?”
Nick Clegg looked at Vince Cable, relieved to see he was fully clothed. “You know, I think we’ll have crumpets. Coalition Crumpets”.
Vince Cable smiled. Nick Clegg smiled back. He has made another tough decision without being backed into a corner by the Tories. Or had he?
