Lo, there was a light, and the tabloid newspaper was born. And with the tabloid press came a great thirst for gossip and scandal, and with that came great pressure on journalists to find scoops that were not necessarily in the public’s interest, but was still gobbled up by a public hungry to find out what Cheryl Cole had eaten for tea. And thus the great hacking scandal was born.
For it was discovered that journalists had hacked into the telephones of the rich and famous and a great trial did take place. And two journalists were sentenced to prison but nobody took any notice for it was just rich and famous people who had their telephones hacked and that is just dull.
After the trial the Queen’s Constabulary did say that was that and there is no more evidence of wrongdoing, but The Guardian is not so easily put off and they did carry on digging and what they did find shocked our gentle souls to the core. For they did find more evidence of hacking and this evidence did disgust the populace for they did find that the News of the World had hacked a murdered girl’s phone and the phones of relatives of soldiers killed on duty.
And the world was shocked and the world wanted to know what the editors at the time did know and they said “We know nothing,” but the world did not believe them and the world did say, “pull the other one.” The scandal would not die down so there was a grand meeting of News International’s executives for we imagine the high chief Rupert Murdoch would not have been a happy camper and in this meeting James Murdoch did say “I have an idea, I shall smite the News of the World.” And the News of the World was smote.
This still did not please the populace for they understood that the journalists at the News of the World were innocent and the populace are not given to having the wool pulled over their eyes and wanted to know why the journalists were sacked but not bosses like the lady Rebekah Brooks and Lord Prescott did say “she knows where the dead bodies are.” And the world laughed for he said what a lot of people were thinking but dared not to say.
And it came to pass that Labour were enjoying themselves immensely as people forgot they once dined at the table of Murdoch and that enabled them to turn their considerable ire on The Prime Minister for he hired Andy Coulson who had been editor of the News of the World during the hacking and this made the Prime Minister feel awkward and he did squirm a little and he did announce an inquiry into the whole affair to take place after we had all forgotten about it.
Meanwhile there was also a Select Committee hearing into the scandal and this committee has no power other than to gloat and to make witnesses feel uncomfortable whilst under questioning but this matters not if they can do it in front of television cameras for it makes our MPs look as if they are earning their corn.
And this committee did summon the Murdochs and they replied with “no thanks, we’re playing golf that day.” And the MPs did laugh for they now knew their moral high ground was now a mountain and they did ask again and this time the Murdochs knew the error of their ways and they did show up.
And thus the moment came. The Murdochs were to be given the third degree and we would laugh but we were to be disappointed for the hearing was as dull as watching grass grow and the Murdochs and got away with it and they knew all they had to do was wait for the MP’s summer recess and all would be forgotten. And the summer recess did arrive and there will be no more awkward questions asked in parliament and any digging by The Guardian would be seen as no more than a left wing attack on the Murdochs.
