The crisis amongst the countries within the Eurozone deepened last night when Ministers finally admitted that they do not know how to bring about an end to the crisis.
A spokesperson Jacques Cashmere-Sweater, admitted to The Daily Waffle last night that “To be frank we haven’t had the foggiest idea how to deal with this mess since it all began. We’ve tried everything. Printing money, bail-outs, austerity laws but let’s be honest it’s been guesswork really. We are all in debt and there’s no money left. We are brassic.”
When asked what they planned to do about this the spokesperson said, “Look, we really are at the end of our tether now. If anyone has any idea on how to sort this out could they give us a ring? Any idea will do. Throw us a bone and give us something to work on. It’s got so bad in Europe that Sarkozy has resorted to selling his cuban heels on Ebay. They raised a couple of quid but after deductions for Ebay’s charges he didn’t get that much and let us not get into the fact he forgot to charge postage and packaging. Berlusconi said he would be dining out on that mistake long into his retirement. The German Chancellor, Angela Merkel offered a sponsored kissathon but she ended up in negative equity. I mean how does that happen? The Greek PM Papadapapadapoplopous has taxed everything in sight including taxes on top of taxes but there is simply no money left in the pot”.
It was put to the spokesperson that this admission could send the stock markets tumbling throughout the globe but they seemed strangely unmoved by that by saying, “Pah! Everything we do seems to have a negative effect on the markets. We can’t do right for doing wrong so we may aswell ask Joe Public for an idea, it’s either that or go cap in hand to the Chinese.”
The Daily Waffle was asked whether it was time for the Euro project to end as the idea of having different economies from countries with differing cultures was proving to be a bit of a disaster but Mr Cashmere-Sweater denied that was on the agenda.
“Not a chance,” he said, “we have spent the last few years building up this myth that the Euro has prevented another war in Europe and is the cure to all the world’s ills so we are not going to give up on it now. We have a couple of things we are working on including a whip round at next year’s Eurovision Song Contest and a 24 hour telethon celebrating the best in continental Europe’s television. In the meantime if anybody out there has any idea at all, anything, then give us a ring. It’s either that or we’ll have to go back to Ocean Finance and see if they’ll re-finance our loans.”
