The Rantings of a Stay-At-Home Mother

Here’s a little fact for you: did you know that people who give up work to look after their children are lonely (boo), unfulfilled (boo), lazy (well….) and rich (hooray!)?  I didn’t, but as I’ve been accused of being all these things many times over the past year or so, I guess they must be true.  Why, why, WHY didn’t anyone remind me about my secret stash of money before I gave up my season ticket, stopped going to restaurants/the cinema, and started buying all my clothes from charity shops?  I mean, yes, I admit I made those sacrifices to ensure that I could still afford my minimum of three holidays a year (so don’t feel too sorry for me).  My point is, though, I’m obviously not rich, because if I were, I could still continue my spoilt brat existence and get absolutely everything I want…and alas, that is not the case.  That’s fine though.  We’re comfortable, Lily doesn’t want for anything, and we’re very lucky to be in the position that we are.  I don’t need any more than that.

So, the ‘rich’ assumption is silly, but it’s harmless.  However, unfulfilled, lazy and lonely?  These are accusations that bother me a fair bit.  I can categorically say that I’m none of these things, and it greatly offends me when people suggest otherwise.  To begin with, ‘unfulfilled’ suggests that I do not have the brain capabilities to entertain and interest myself when I’m not at work.  Just because I have a child, and I spend my days with her, this doesn’t automatically reduce my brain to the level of a one year old, and it also doesn’t mean that CBeebies (much as I love it) is the only topic of conversation I’m capable of spending more than two minutes on.  I still have a considerable amount of brain power, and you, 35 year old woman working in Top Shop, have no reason to tell me, with an accompanying pitying look, that my life must be very unfulfilling.  And for the record, saying something like that to me in front of my child really is not very considerate.  She might not understand it now, but if she hears it enough, she soon will.  At no point, ever, do I want her to feel like she has had an adverse affect on my life, and as long as people continue with this stupid ‘stay-at-home mothers are unhappy’ nonsense, there’s a chance she might hear it and believe it.

Moving onto ‘lazy’.  LAZY?  I have to keep a fifteen month old entertained all. day. long.  I take her to Jittabugs classes, Sing & Sign classes, Toddler Sensory classes and toddler groups. I take her to the park.  I take her to the library.  I read to her.  I play games with her.  I prepare her meals and snacks, and then cook a family meal from scratch (almost) every single night.  I’ll give you lazy.  It saddens me to say it, because I’m someone who loves nothing more than staying in my pyjamas, lying on the settee and eating chocolate biscuits all day, but ‘lazy’ is no longer allowed in my vocabulary.

Finally, ‘lonely’.  This is the one that winds me up most, actually.  If you tell me that I’m lonely, you are saying that my baby girl is rubbish company…and my Lily just happens to be cleverer and funnier than pretty much everyone else in the existence of humankind.  Say that to my face and you’d better be prepared to turn around and run for a very, very long time, because I will catch you, and I will place you in a Sharpshooter until you take it back.

I’m trying to think of a point to round all this off with, in a way that might make it seem that this is more than just the rantings of a crazy woman.  Let’s be honest though, that’s exactly what it is…and I don’t care.  Parenthood is hard enough without strangers making crazy assumptions about your life (and usually gleefully informing you of them).  I’m sure plenty of you parents out there, whether you work full time, stay at home, or anything in between, have your own words or phrases that are just guaranteed to set you into attack mode; if so, please share in the comments.  Let’s tell the world that we won’t stand for it anymore.  It’s about time someone did.