Polls are funny things; polls about films are even funnier things. Everyone has an opinion on everything, and nowhere is this more evident than polls asking for votes for ‘film of the decade’ or ‘best ever fight scene’, and so on (Star Wars seemed to win them every year until Lord of the Rings turned up, oddly enough).
One poll that always annoys me, no matter which magazine I read it in, or when I read it, is that of worst accent ever heard on the big screen. Most people in most variations of this poll seem to think that Dick van Dyke in ‘Mary Poppins’ is the biggest offender, but, I have to confess, I have spent much of my life not really hearing the difference between Dick van Dyke and how actual cockney people speak (also, I am a Dick van Dyke fan for life, do not even begin to try and tell me he can do something wrong).
If you want to hear a really bad attempt at an accent, watch ‘The Untouchables’ and try to make out anything that Sean Connery says, or Don Cheadle in ‘Ocean’s Eleven’, or Eric Bana in ‘Troy’. Sometimes, actors get it right – think of Cate Blanchett in ‘Veronica Guerin’, or Rose Byrne in anything ever – meaning that the ones who don’t get shown up rather badly, like Liam Neeson attempting any American accent (but I love him, so that’s alright).
The worst accent attempt ever, though, is one that makes me cringe constantly every time I hear it, and is so bad that sometimes I just mute the sound and put the subtitles on. And the film is terrible too. The culprit is …. drum roll please…. Brad Pitt. In ‘The Devil’s Own’.
Poor Brad. He fought a losing battle with a sort-of English accent in ‘Troy’, but his attempt at a Northern Irish accent is truly atrocious. Now, I know that this accent is difficult to understand, let alone imitate – I have friends who keep wondering if it’s possible for me to get some kind of subtitle service, so they know what I’m saying. And yes, it does occasionally sound like an attempt to dislocate one’s jaw, rather than speak actual words.
The thing is, though, it is possible for someone in the acting profession to put on a Northern Irish accent – and isn’t that what acting is all about in the first place? Matthew McFayden did a spot-on, if generic, version in ‘Middletown’; Michael Fassbender went one better and did a fabulous job speaking in a West Belfast accent, which I can’t even do, in ‘Hunger’. Even James Mason in ‘The Third Man’ wasn’t terrible. So, really, Brad has no excuse.
What I would like to know is, who was Brad’s voice coach? Who on earth thought it would be a brilliant idea to make Brad sound like he came from Strabane (of all places) anyway? This problem is not limited to this one film, unfortunately – Sean Bean had a similar problem in ‘Patriot Games’, but at least that was a reasonable attempt. Brad does the decent thing and gives up halfway through the film, meaning it ends with him sounding as American as he always does.
If you want to put your ears through the torture of hearing the actual worst accent ever committed to the big screen, here’s the trailer. And if you can think of any others that I have blanked from my memory, let me know!
