I am a glasses wearer, and have been for quite some time. My eyesight began deteriorating at a frightening rate when I was about 17. I can no longer see anything without my glasses and they remain a permanent fixture on the end of my nose. I thought for a long time about whether or not this bothered me, and then I decided, hey, the glasses don’t actually make the woman. Let’s take a further look at this.
Stupid things people say when you wear glasses:-
1. You look a lot better without them
Well, that’s charming, I’m sure, but I actually do need to be able to see. Would you tell a hearing impaired person they look a lot better without their hearing aid? No, you wouldn’t.
2. You’ve got that sexy secretary look about you
Well, my dear, that’s a nice thing to say maybe, but I actually am a secretary and let me tell you, there is nothing sexy about drowning in your own paperwork and people assuming that any time your boss makes even the tiniest mistake it was entirely your fault. It isn’t all about short skirts and sexy bosses, although perhaps it is sometimes about sexy skirts and short bosses.
3. You must be clever
Absolutely, it is a sad fact that my brain can’t actually function until I put my specs on. Before this, I was quietly pondering how to open this jar of nutella I want to eat with a spoon. I put my specs on and suddenly found I knew quantum mechanics instead. Magic.
Things that are annoying about wearing glasses:-
- When it rains.
- Drinking anything hot.
- Having prescription sunglasses and not being able to take them off as soon as you walk into anywhere, making you have the whiff of the douchebag about you.
- Getting hair stuck in the corners, not realising, and nearly scalping yourself.
- Having to sound like an old lady “Wait! I need to find my glasses”.
- Spending hours on your eye make-up and then realising it was a total waste of time for two reasons- as soon as you put your glasses on, you can’t really see, and realising that any mistake is magnified twenty thousand times.
- Some glasses make you look like you have no eyebrows. You don’t realise how important they are until you look like a thumb.
- Not being that quick off the mark, as you need your glasses to find your glasses, and then you have to deal with whatever situation has arisen.
Things that are awesome about wearing glasses:-
- People assume you’re more intelligent that you are. I play on this. The more important the work occasion, the larger my glasses. On very important days, I look like Timmy Mallet.
- You can take them on and off to emphasise a point. I use this to great effect.
- You can look more pulled together than you actually are.
- A lot of men have a secretary kink
- Being able to see is pretty important.
- You can swap them around to match your outfit. I do this a lot.
- On very windy days when everyone is crying their make-up off you can feel very smug.
- You can look at people sternly over the top like an angry Nanny/teacher/matron figure.
- They make you look more mature. Seriously, I often get ID’d when I am not wearing my glasses.
- If something is boring the liver out of you, just take your glasses off so you don’t need to concentrate.
- They help you go to sleep. I can’t stay awake all night watching the same 3 shows being played in a loop on UK Gold because I can’t see.
- People use it as an adjective to describe you, rather than focusing on your less attractive attributes, they will describe you “The lady in the glasses.”
- Some glasses are funky as hell and I am pretty sure that even if I didn’t need them I would buy them anyway.
- Jarvis Cocker wears glasses.
- A lot of very awesome people wear glasses actually. Me, for example.
In conclusion, don’t be upset if you have to wear glasses. Glasses come in so many styles and fashions, and you can always find something to suit you. They need not be expensive if you shop around, and can really change your style. Good luck to you fellow glasses wearers, I salute you.
