What would actually happen if you were bitten by a radioactive spider?

For generations, comic book fans have dreamed of receiving the same bite that transformed Peter Parker into Spider-Man.

As a new film prepares to swing into cinemas on July 29, biology and physics experts at Kelvinside,in Glasgow, have taken a closer look at one of superhero history’s most famous questions:

According to the experts, the reality would be considerably less Marvel and considerably more NHS.

While comic books might promise super strength, web-slinging and wall-crawling adventures, physics expert Ben Fitzgerald said the laws of physics would quickly put a stop to most of Spider-Man’s powers.

Super strength

Spider-Man’s famous super-strength is one of the first abilities to unravel under scientific scrutiny.

Ben explained that spiders are incredibly strong for their size, but that doesn’t mean those abilities scale up neatly to humans.

“As you get bigger, mass increases much faster than strength does. Spider-Man wouldn’t suddenly be able to stop a bus just because he had spider powers.”

In other words, having the proportional strength of a spider sounds impressive until physics gets involved. A human-sized Spider-Man would still have to deal with a human-sized body.

Web-swinging

Ben said people often focus on whether the web would be strong enough, but the bigger problem is what the web is attached to.

“The web might be strong enough, but if you’ve attached it to paintwork or old brickwork, there’s every chance the wall comes away before the web does.”

In reality, your first heroic act could be accidentally redecorating half the street.

Wall-climbing

Not every Spider-Man power is completely impossible, however.

Biology expert Ian Nicholson pointed to geckos, which can scale walls using specialised structures on their feet. Geckos rely on millions of tiny contact points that create enough grip to hold their body weight against a surface.

“Theoretically, something similar could work. The challenge is having enough surface area and enough contact points to support the weight of an entire human being.”

So wall-climbing may not be completely impossible, although the footwear required might not win any fashion awards.

Spider-Sense

Spider-Sense, however, remains firmly in the realm of science fiction.

Ian said spiders are exceptionally good at detecting vibrations and movement through their webs, but don’t appear to possess some magical danger-detecting ability.

He also pointed out that humans already have far more than the commonly cited five senses.

“You’ve got things like heat, cold, pain, pressure and proprioception, which is your awareness of where your body is without looking.”

While some animals can detect things such as magnetic fields, vibrations and subtle changes in air pressure, Ben said:

“Engineering is probably more likely to get you there than a radioactive spider.”

The closest thing to a real radioactive animal bite

While Spider-Man may be firmly in the realm of fiction, Ian said he had encountered a surprisingly similar real-life story.

“I actually know somebody who was bitten by a radioactive cat. They use iodine isotopes to treat cats with overactive thyroids, and she was bitten by one that had recently undergone treatment. She was treated amazingly by the NHS.”

Ian joked that the bite appeared to have left her with one distinctly cat-like superpower.

“If you leave something on the edge of a table, she’ll knock it off.”

Spider-Man’s real superpower

After explaining why web-swinging, spider-sense and super-strength are unlikely to survive contact with real-world physics, Ben believes Spider-Man’s most important ability was never caused by a spider bite.

“Arguably, his greatest power, and the reason he’s such an enduring character, is his determination. The whole idea of ‘with great power comes great responsibility’ isn’t really about superpowers, it’s about choosing to do good when you can.

“That’s probably the largest part of Spider-Man that people actually can emulate.”

Because unlike swinging between skyscrapers, stopping runaway trains or climbing up the side of a building, kindness doesn’t require superpowers at all.