The question of self esteem

Self esteem, or is it self respect we’re looking for?

Glossy mags, A-Z celebs, the journo’s opinion, Facebook photo stalking, peer pressure…..it all boils down to one thing, self esteem. As a mom of teen girls I’m especially aware of the pressure they heap upon themselves. She’s so pretty (prettier than me??), She’s so skinny (skinnier than me??), She’s so….. What? What are you going to compare/contrast with. Height? Weight? Clothes? Colour of hair? How many likes for a photo??

I was THAT teen, I’ve tried awfully hard NOT to place these issues onto my kids and yet it seems like the natural order of things. So how do you “up” your self esteem? How do you pass on positive self esteem? How do you ensure positive self worth, when the trashy mags all dictate “what’s hot or not!!” (on that note, I don’t buy any. They are not so hot in our house!!). I don’t need a magazine to add to my teen girls confusion thanks. I’m tired of seeing magazines pick who they want to build up then crush again. Been played again and again, It’s not a nice trait. Bully-esque springs to mind. It sells though, so it seems that the readers love it. Maybe that’s what makes their self esteem a little better, the “at least I’m not as car-crash as she/he is”. If so, is that not an awful way to feel better about yourself?

self esteem:
n
1. respect for or a favourable opinion of oneself
2. an unduly high opinion of oneself; vanity

Now the first definition is what I would have said, the second definition had me reading it over and over again. It’s almost, to me, derogatory!! An unduly high opinion of oneself; vanity. Almost like having self esteem in oneself is somewhat vain, big-headed and not necessarily true. Oh my, even the dictionary is making me question myself.

So I thought some more, questioned what in fact I wanted; for me, my girls, society. I then got the dictionary back out and looked up self-respect.

Self Respect:
noun
a proper sense of one’s own dignity and integrity

Synonyms
pride, dignity, self-esteem, morale, amour-propre (French), faith in yourself

Ahh, this is more like it, this what I’m looking for 😀 Self respect, self confidence, self worth, self esteem…… It’s all about focusing and accepting you for you. NOT what you think you should be like, what others think you should be like nor what the press says.

I read a lovely article in Psychology Today about self esteem re self respect, it hit the nail on the head.

I quote:

To esteem anything is to evaluate it positively and hold it in high regard, but evaluation gets us into trouble because while we sometimes win, we also sometimes lose. To respect something, on the other hand, is to accept it.

The person with self-respect simply likes her or himself. This self-respect is not contingent on success because there are always failures to contend with. Neither is it a result of comparing ourselves with others because there is always someone better. These are tactics usually employed to increase self-esteem. Self-respect, however, is a given. We simply like ourselves or we don’t. With self-respect, we like ourselves because of who we are and not because of what we can or cannot do.

I couldn’t put it better…..

Personally I think we are lacking in self worth and positive self esteem, especially women.

I see, hear and read judgements/bitching/opinions that make it hard for anyone to have or be allowed to have a good opinion about themselves, without them appearing vain, or in the majorities view, delusional. Why on earth would we sing our own praises?? Why not??

If you can’t sing about your own beauty “flaws and all”, who else will? It’s ok to love yourself, like yourself, accept yourself. Have self respect for yourself, be quietly confident in yourself 😀

Like everyone around me, I have “good days and bad days” BUT that shouldn’t affect my self esteem or my self respect, just my mood. I am glad we are not the same, wouldn’t the world be boring if we were? Plus, pardon the phrase, but isn’t beauty only skin deep?

I’ve blogged about beauty before and the inner shell is so much more important than the outer one to me. I described it like a Christmas bauble and a marble. The Christmas bauble is all shiny and attractive but empty on the inside. The marble is clear, the beauty from the inside radiating out…..

I wonder if to have better self esteem for ourselves do we need to take a step back and stop judging others. Stop being so harsh about ourselves, accepting “flaws” as part of the whole picture. Maybe when we actually stop trying to change ourselves we will see how we affect others and realise our own self worth…..

So self respect is in fact the key. When we have self respect, the positive self esteem, self confidence and self worth will follow. And, in my humble opinion, that can only be a good thing.

To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.