My husband and I have the world’s best pre-bedtime routine. I will warn you that you’re all going to be hella jealous when you hear what it is, and you will most likely feel the urge to run out and buy a Nintendo DS immediately (I’m assume you already have at least one in your household), so if you’re broke, stop reading. As necessary a purchase as I think it would be, I also don’t want to be the cause of more debt in this country. Anyway. Here it is:
We lie in bed, propped up against our pillows, and we play a tournament on Mario Kart DS.
I say play, anyway. What I really mean is, we fight out a tournament on Mario Kart DS. These are not friendly little games we’re playing. We trash talk, we swear (in my case, a lot), we save our red shells to destroy each other at the most crucial of moments, and then I win. It’s really the most extraordinary way to end a day, and I massively recommend it. Of course, given that I usually win, it’s easy for me to say this. I don’t know how much John enjoys having his butt kicked again and again while I tell him, also again and again, that he’s an embarrassment to the world of video gaming (and that’s one of my nicer comments). I’m not entirely sure that it’s in the spirit intended by Nintendo, but then they obviously underestimated my competitive nature. I mean, yes, it is possible that my nightly comparison of my husband to the laughing stock that is Sunderland Football Club is taking things a little too far, but if it gains me a second as he swerves off the track laughing at my glorious wit, then it’s worth it.
This was meant to be a tribute to Mario Kart, but it appears to have turned into a tribute to my brilliant Mario Kart skills. Oops. Sorry about that. Mario Kart is great though, isn’t it? It’s imaginative, mental, and manages to be ridiculously fun while also being the most unfair thing in the world, ever. Even the unfairness is lovable. You get shelled virtually on the finish line after leading the whole race, finish in a devastating fourth, and still, you come back for more. You can’t help it. The real sign of its brilliance, though, is the fact that it’s best at its most simple. Motorbikes, hang gliders, Double Dash! and even balloon battles are all well and good, but what you really want is just some straight-up multiplayer kart action. This is perhaps why Mario Kart DS is so great; it doesn’t have the fancy add-ons or gimmicks of other installments, but the tracks are simple, beautifully designed, and perfect for replaying over and over again. You also, by the way, have to play as Yoshi, because there is simply nothing in the world as good as the little ‘Yoshiiiii!’ celebration as an opponent crashes into one of the bananas you just craftily laid. It does mean that you’re effectively screwed come Rainbow Road, as Donkey Kong and Bowser bounce your poor little dino off the track at will, but it’s worth it, trust me.
Mario Kart, in all its forms, does drive you crazy. Nobody would deny that. It makes you so tense that you somehow manage to forget the name of Wario and end up having to scream “F**K OFF Wa-Mario!” in a fit of anger, and then, embarrassment. It makes you want to throttle Mario for not controlling his woman whenever Peach overtakes you. It makes you threaten divorce and mean it when you see your husband sneaking up behind you with a blue shell next to his name. However, every second of stress is worth it when you lift that cup at the end (my husband wouldn’t know anything about that, of course. You’ll have to ask him what it is that makes him come back for the same old heartbreak night after night). There are very few game series that qualify higher in the ‘must-have’ category, and Mario Kart DS is one of the very best MK games out there. Play it, and just try not to kill your spouse. Bloody annoying as the game can be, I don’t think that would go down well in a court of law.
