Going through a divorce or separation is never easy. When there are children in the mix too, the situation can become even more complex for everyone involved. From childcare arrangements to managing the daily routine, there’s a lot to think about.
No matter your situation, it’s worth knowing how to navigate divorce while meeting your family responsibilities – and helping your children to feel as comfortable as possible throughout.
Why is divorce so difficult for children?
Divorce tears families apart and in doing so uproots a child – and often their development, too. With abrupt and stressful changes to almost every aspect of daily life, children often struggle to cope or show their feelings in unexpected and challenging ways.
Children are very quick to pick up on bad feelings or negative emotions between parents and other members of the family. This can confuse or upset them, or even lead to them blaming themselves for the relationship breakdown. If you’re ready to get a divorce, you need to approach the situation sensitively.
How to approach divorce or separation with children
1. Make childcare arrangements
If you’ve decided to proceed with a divorce or legal separation, making timely childcare arrangements should be your priority. You and your ex-partner or spouse can avoid being called to court if you agree on certain things before finalising the separation. These include:
• Where the children will live
• How you will financially support your children
• How much time your children will spend with each parent
There are several different approaches to take, but it’s up to you to choose one and plan carefully. To ensure that no page goes unturned, you may choose to seek professional support from an experienced family solicitor.
2. Support your children
Your children need to know that they’re loved by both parents throughout the separation. While you won’t be able to focus all your attention on your children, it’s important to make sure that the interactions you do have are genuine and reassuring for them.
Children react to divorce in different ways. Some might feel anxious and become withdrawn, while others will be visibly frustrated and could even lash out. The best thing any parent can do is to allow their children to feel and experience their emotions without putting any pressure on them to feel another way.
If your child is suffering from anxiety, try to follow a routine and let their teachers know what’s going on too.Make sure you’re honest and upfront with your children, having age-appropriate conversations to build and maintain trust at this complicated time.
3. Take care of your mental health
Lastly, with the added stress of separation or divorce, childcare can take a toll on your mental health. It’s particularly important during this time to continue your parenting efforts and make more memories with your children too.
Try to keep in touch with close friends and other members of your family. When it comes to sleep, it’s understandable if you’re struggling – but you should try to make sure you’re resting as much as possible.
If you’re struggling to cope, support is available. Whether you join group counselling or start a new physical activity, it’s okay to put yourself first when you need to. Your mental health is key to your guidance and love as a parent.