With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it’s a perfect time to reflect on your love life.
From misreading signals to dealing with rejection, Suit Direct spoke to Kezia Noble, a dating expert for men, who shares insights into the most common mistakes men make when on a first date, why wearing aftershave is important, and who should be paying the bill.
Common mistakes made on a first date:
When it comes to dating, confidence is key, and according to relationship expert Kezia, many men fall into the trap of being overly cautious, which can even backfire. “If men are nervous, they won’t show intent, they won’t try to escalate or flirt; they will be overly cautious and overly safe. Then they think, ‘I’ll make my move on the next date,’ and then it gets pushed back to the next date. By then, he has missed that boat, and she is looking at the man as a friend.”
Kezia also notes that while making a move on a date isn’t necessarily a mistake, it is important to avoid over-praising a woman. She explained that compliments are great, but there’s a fine line between making your date feel good and uncomfortable. “I wouldn’t say making a move is a mistake because if you are on a date with somebody, it is clear they are giving you the green light to flirt and escalate. It’s okay to compliment a woman and make them feel good but you can’t run yourself down and lower yourself down in the process. What I mean by that is, ‘I’m so lucky to be on this date with you’ or ‘you could have any guy you want, I bet you’re inundated with offers’. It’s irrelevant even if that’s true, you don’t want to put yourself in the category with other guys who are after her. I would say to guys, don’t give it any oxygen. Your values are as important as hers but it’s a really bad game strategy. “
Do women still love an alpha?
Do women still love an “alpha” male? According to Kezia, the answer is yes – but the concept of an “alpha” is often misunderstood. She explained “The idea of an Alpha male is sometimes misrepresented. It is attractive, masculine energy. A guy who takes the lead, somebody who is unapologetic for what he believes in, and his life choices, has a positive outlook on life, and don’t get into a panic. They have a strong character and strong reality.”
Kezia also highlights that the true essence of an alpha doesn’t always align with the stereotypical image of a successful, rich man. “I met a guy recently and I wouldn’t say he was ‘powerful’ but he did something that I think is very powerful, he was a single dad and raised two kids on his own. I found something very Alpha and powerful about that. You don’t need to think, I have to have a James Bond lifestyle or be a CEO, these are things a lot of Alpha men end up getting But, you can reflect and communicate all of those traits without having to be in a powerful position because you, yourself, will be a powerful force of nature.”
She went on to say that taking charge is a key component to alpha energy on a first date. “Don’t let her make all of the decisions on where to go or what to order. The guy can give her a choice of Italian or French if you’re going to a restaurant, so she has some choice and input, but he is the one who is saying we’re going here, doing that, and taking the lead. It may not sound very modern to say that, but women do appreciate a man who can have a certain amount of control of a situation.”
The dating scene has changed with apps, what can men do to stand out and get a date?
With the rise of dating apps, the dating scene has dramatically changed, but relationship expert Kezia believes that men can still stand out by stepping away from their screens. “I would say get off online dating apps,” Kezia suggests.
On dating apps, however, there’s often a sense of complacency. Men can fall into the trap of endlessly scrolling through profiles, which can lead to a “what’s the point?” mindset when it comes to meeting women in real life. “They have that safety net back at home. Sometimes they won’t even chat up women in real life anymore because they are so reliant on dating apps. So, when they do chat up women it is very half-hearted and it’s a ‘what’s the point’ kind of mindset that they are going in with because they have their phone and can explore a catalogue of women. My first bit of advice would be unless you are in the middle of nowhere or you have a job and work nights then get off them.”
What is the etiquette for paying the bill as we head into 2025 – should men always pay the bill on a date?
As we move into 2025, the question of who should pay the bill on a date is still a hot topic. Relationship expert Kezia believes that despite the rise of gender equality, men should still pay the bill on a first date, especially when things are going well. “I’m someone who is very wealthy thankfully, I don’t need a man to pay for my dinner and can afford to pay for his dinner too. That’s not the point so I am not saying this from a gold digger point of view. If I asked him maybe it is slightly different, but I would still like the man to pay. When a man asks to split the bill, or she pays, there’s something inside the woman that changes. Even if it is the woman who insists.”
For Kezia, this isn’t about being old-fashioned—it’s about what feels right in modern dating. “On First Dates, every single time when it is going well, and the man says let’s split the bill or she offers and they split, the woman always says I never want to see him again.” Men, according to Kezia, still enjoy the opportunity to be a gentleman and make a woman feel special. It’s not just about the money—it’s about the gesture.
How to deal with rejection after a first date:
Dealing with rejection after a first date can be tough, but according to relationship expert Kezia, the key is to approach it with honesty and a willingness to learn. She said “You need to be completely and utterly emotionally attached to it and work out what they did wrong. I would actually say, let’s find out what went wrong and say I would like to know.”
She added “You have to be completely honest. Usually, men don’t know why. Unless you have done something really bad on the date or something very obvious, if she says ‘I just wasn’t feeling the chemistry’ then really, it is because you are uncalibrated. I always say this to guys, your surface stuff was fine, you said all of the right things to her, presented yourself well but there’s something about your inner game that was off like your energy or something like that. She won’t be able to break that down to a man because that’s not her job, she is not a dating coach.”
If rejection becomes a pattern, Kezia stresses the importance of self-reflection. “I know it hurts when somebody rejects you, you feel sad, but you can’t take it personally like it is an attack or somebody is against you because you will never fix the problem or evolve.”
For insights on what Brits consider to be dating icks, along with tips on how to avoid them, please visit: https://www.suitdirect.co.uk/styleguide/features/biggest-style-icks-on-dates
