This week from the 17th to the 23rd of September has been dedicated to raising awareness for Bipolar (Manic Depression) which to me is fantastic news.
It’s also good to note that in October we have Mental Illness Awareness Week which falls in the first full week of October, stay alert for the dates.
I was first diagnosed with Manic Depression when I was 11 years of age. Now, to a lot of people who may seem quite young for someone to be depressed and that may well be applicable if it were a case concerning Clinical Depression which is caused by situations or events and surroundings in someone’s life. This wasn’t the case in my situation. I had a troubled childhood certainly but I like to think I coped exceptionally well with some harrowing experiences.
I was most likely what some would describe as a ‘problem child‘. I didn’t misbehave nor was I cheeky or rude but from an early age I found I couldn’t control any emotions. I would cry hysterically over the smallest thing. To a point where I would vomit. I would also laugh hysterically to the point of having to vomit. There was rarely an in-between emotion. As a child this was very hard to handle. I didn’t have many friends, and to be honest, I couldn’t blame anyone, I was a mess! Any of the girls in school didn’t know which ‘Sera’ they were going to get on any given day!
I was taken to the GP who then referred us on to a Child Psychologist who sent me for tests upon tests. I had scans, blood tests, the lot. I was also ‘situation tested’ which involved my Psychologist setting up different examples of situations that I couldn’t handle to see what my reaction was when I entered her room. At one (particularly memorable) appointment I walked in to find the Psychologist had trashed her room…. Toy’s everywhere, phone off the hook, books lying open at uneven pages. I don’t need to tell you by the time my little eyes had taken everything in I was hyperventilating to a serious degree. I was in such a mess I hadn’t realised my nose was bleeding and tears were streaming down my face. Now this may seem cruel and to be honest, in a way, I feel it was too BUT it was a step forward in someone finding out what we were dealing with.
After all of the tests etc I was finally diagnosed with Severe Manic Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Clinical Depression (at that time).
Out of those 3 conditions I still live with 2 of them.
Bipolar Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
After 16 years of living with these conditions I feel I’m at a point where I can speak about it and will go some way in trying to explain what they are and how I live with them.
Bipolar Disorder is basically a way of describing a category of mood disorders. It can range from Mild to Extreme. There is no set spectrum for this disorder yet as every patient varies.
In its simplest terms it manifests itself in the following ways:
Extreme Depressive Episodes: overwhelming feelings of worthlessness, complete and utter devastation, panic at just about everything, overeating and feeling insecure which can then lead to self harming in all it’s forms or even to contemplating and attempting suicide.
Hyper and Manic Episodes: feeling everything is positive and feeling very optimistic to the point of elation, overly creative, extreme purchasing, feeling there is no need for eating or sleeping, boundless energy and sometimes psychosis.
In all honesty I have, in 16 years been through every symptom. It’s been hard, terrifying at times. But I wanted to put pen to paper (so to speak) and let people know that it’s possible to live with, not just that, but it’s entirely possible to have a fulfilled life.
I didn’t want to lay a really heavy article at your feet full of angst and heartache, you don’t need that as a reader. Yes, there were very dark times and a lot of very frightening near misses but I’ve made it this far, I spent a lot of time getting to know myself (I would recommend this to anyone), found an outlet for my emotions (writing) and I have a lot to live for……. as do ANY and ALL of you!
I don’t think we, as a society, are doing enough to erase taboos concerning any Mental Illness let alone Bipolar! I find it frustrating and extremely saddening. Make this the week you become more aware of what the condition is and if you suspect you may be depressed, seek help. Even if it’s getting in contact with me, your GP, The Samaritans or any of the associations I will list – do something positive this week. Make a Change!
Some Websites or Organisations you can contact:
and last but definitely not least, the guys here are fantastic http://www.aware-ni.org/
Please don’t suffer any form or extreme of Mental Illness in Silence xxx
Thank you for sharing, Sera. Your continued optimism throughout your experiences is inspiring 🙂