Following on from my article (age of parenting PT1) once I had collated the information I found out the following;
Young parents
Some replies started in their teens, unplanned. There was a difference if they were male or female as their roles were different. Words used, were vulnerable, scared, insecure, financially unstable, but also, determined, supportive parents, unsupportive parents, coped, survived, close relationship with child, no regrets, wish I’d waited. It was such a mixed bag.
What did stick out is a lot of the replies are years on from the birth and the parents now older, are loving the minimal age gap with their teen. Yes it was tough, but so worth the sacrifice. Also despite the sacrifice, they didn’t compromise too much, they went back to their studies and are now living the life their peers did when they were changing nappies!! They got there in the end and feel they’ve got the best of both worlds 🙂
20-25 parents
These parents felt they were grown up enough, but still hadn’t enough financial security and felt the pinch. Some sacrificed choices/career paths to accommodate the new arrival. Some felt no 1 had come a tad soon but didn’t want an age gap between siblings so followed thru with no 2/3/4. Steps and stairs 🙂
Again there were no regrets, but it did make them feel anxious at the responsibility they had taken on. Most were planned. Some were not. They did feel that at times society was looking down at them, that there peers were having fun whilst they had chosen the family path. Descriptions of feeling lonely or isolated were mentioned, relying heavily on parents. Others described it as tough but fun. They wanted children young so they could be on the same wavelength as they got older and also had the energy to keep up with their lil hurricanes 😉
25-30
The pros here were that they were getting financially more secure. It was more planned and they were ready for the change or so they thought. The ironic con for some  moms was having to give up said career and swap work responsibilities for nappies/cbeebies/other moms as friends as no-one knew what the hell they were going through or thinking about. Suddenly hair/fashion/conversation was replaced with a hair bauble/comfy practical clothes and baby talk. That loss of identity seemed to perturb some but not others. For the dads they seemed to lose their best friend to the baby and sex?? What was that??
This seemed to be a repeated male response no matter what age their partners had a baby, they felt at times un-necessary/misunderstood/sexually frustrated/overwhelmed with the responsibility but also felt protective/complete/overwhelmed with love at their partner for providing them this new little person and for the little person too 🙂
30-40
Parents in this part of my group responses had planned babies. For some it took a lot longer than they expected. Some went down the IVF route and some couldn’t have kids at all, so their parenting plans were stopped or they went down the route of adoption.
These parents appeared ready both mentally and financially. They had done the whole travelling/partying/playing at grown-ups in a single manner. They were ready to settle, have a family and enjoy the next stage of their lives. Yes the age gap was bigger but the love just the same. Some felt better, as they felt more mature to handle the responsibility of parenting as they saw it. Those who had that much wanted and hard to get baby, felt that if they’d known it was going to take so long they would’ve started earlier. This was also the message I got from the IVF parents. The roller coaster was worth the baby. But the roller coaster itself was a damn hard ride and for those who didn’t get the much wanted baby a sad experience indeed. Even the stigmas around having to go down that path amazed and saddened me. But that’s for another article.
Adoption brought another parenting card to the table. These parents had no regrets. Their adopted child their own, without a doubt. The love for their adopted child no less, different cons to deal with, but the pros just the same 🙂
IVF fostering and adoption is a path not for the faint hearted.
One reply was a mom who had kids in her teens and early twenties, then in a 2nd relationship had 3 more in her 30-40s. Both very different experiences for her, and a learning curve. She enjoyed both for different reasons and also had negative sides to both too. In one person she reflected each of the above groups. Above all she loves being a mum and is a fabulous one too.
So it appears that parenting is what we do. Our age and circumstances though they influence how much or how little we struggle, didn’t seem to put any of the respondents off. Nobody regretted becoming a parent in my study group. There were many replies regarding how the family changed, especially the dynamics between the mum and dad. Some stayed with the partner, others did not. Some did it alone, some felt as if they may as well have been on their own. Some found it made them bond even closer. Others, it put things into perspective as to what’s important and what’s not.
Next time I have some personal stories to share (names with-held) but nonetheless an intriguing insight into parenting.
Soapgirl
