How is it that some couples stay romantic and in love for decades while others become romance-less roommates within a couple of short years?
How can you learn from these lovers-for-life and apply what they know? First, you have to recognize and avoid these 3 traps if you want to keep the passion alive in your marriage:
Trap #1 – Treating your spouse worse than your co-workers
Have you ever caught yourself smiling and being polite to everyone you work with only later to treat your spouse like you’re Gru in this scene from Despicable Me?
Just like the old saying goes ‘it takes more effort to frown than to smile,’ it’s also much easier and more rewarding to be a warm and charming spouse than to be a downer.
So what can you do about it? Start by taking note of the ways that you are being less than charming, catch yourself and overtime, replace your old habits with newer, more charming habits.
ACTION STEP: This week, choose to replace one less-charming habitual behavior with a more lovable one.
For example:
On Tuesday, I snapped again on my husband, because I was hangry…next time, I will bite my tongue, give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then, I will put on my favorite song and do the dishes while breathing slowly until I’m calm and ready to be present with him.
Trap #2 – Expecting your spouse to be attracted to you (no matter what)
Have you ever found yourself so caught up in the obligations of life that you started to neglect the romantic side of your relationship? While this is fine for a short while, we really start to miss the passion that brings that extra oomph to life – don’t we?
The good news is that it doesn’t have to take much to keep the romantic flame burning bright and hot.
ACTION STEP: One day this week, commit to treating your spouse like you did when you first started dating – when things were really exciting. You want to enchant your special someone.
Example:
Instead of doing something for my spouse begrudgingly, I’ll do it with a smile and bounce in my step like I would have when we first started dating – even little things like making supper or talking on the phone can be fun ways to show my love.
Trap #3 – Assuming that you know what your partner finds attractive
Have you ever seen a man try to intrigue his wife by ‘getting jacked’ only to be sadly disappointed when it doesn’t work? …or have you ever seen a woman buy some trendy new piece of clothing that her husband doesn’t even notice?
Here are two cheaper and far more effective alternatives to making your spouse want you more (note: these suggestions are for the bold and playful)
1) Turn it into a game and get advice from your partner
• An entertaining question can be: “who do you find more attractive __________ or ________? (you can choose attractive rock stars, actors or even friends).
• Keep exploring by drawing up new people to have your spouse choose between as you start to understand the traits your spouse finds most attractive (hint: stay light and playful with this – taking it too seriously might make things strange)
• If you’re ever unsure about what is attractive, you can ask: “what is it that you find attractive about ___________?”
• Now, you can actually work to develop or enhance that trait or quality in yourself from what your partner shares.
2) Another fun way to understand what each other finds attractive is to sit down with your spouse, put on some music and ask each other: “What would your ideal [husband/wife] be like?”
• Then grab a note pad and pen so you can write down what your partner says.
• From here, decide on 1 action item you will start with this week to increase your romantic attraction with your spouse.
• For example, my wife told me her ideal husband would get lots of exercise through daily activities like walking to work and biking for groceries.
• You may not understand why your spouse finds whatever trait attractive –that’s okay –do it anyways!
ACTION STEP: Choose one of the above exercises and schedule a time to do it with your spouse. Next, follow through this week with a plan to implement what you’ve learned.
P.S. I hope you enjoyed this article on how to amp up the romance in your marriage. For the more adventurous readers you may want to check out this article: http://www.dailywaffle.co.uk/2016/05/londons-hidden-world-of-erotic-tantric-massage/
bio: Chad Edwards is the founder of The Happy Families Revolution and http://www.relationshipsreimagined.com/. He is on a mission to help couples whose marriages are lacking intimacy and connection. Follow him on twitter @Reimagined2016
