You’re Wearing That?!

I wish I could get paid to tell people what to wear, or not wear, but other than what I consider to be an eye for fashion and what looks good, I’m not really qualified to dote out advice. But, I do it anyway cause I just don’t care. Some things are just common sense. Or are they? It seems that it mustn’t be because people still continue to defy the odds and walk around in garments that I wouldn’t even put on a stuffed animal. In this week’s article, aptly title “You’re Wearing That?!” I’m going to pick, at random, 5 things that people shouldn’t be wearing. What makes this even more interesting is the fact that I’ve set up shop at my local coffee shop and will basically pick 5 definite do-not’s from the plethora of people coming and going. I sincerely hope anyone reading this isn’t one of the people I’m going to point out. If you are, go home and change.

1. Dress shirts shouldn’t look like pajamas on you.

In a world where people are getting laid off and businesses are closing, looking professional is more important than ever. That goes for people who already have jobs, too. Wearing clothes that don’t fit – especially dress shirts where there are a good two inches between your neck and the collar – make you look sloppy. Be grateful for the job you have and dress appropriately. If you’re looking for a job, make sure your shirts fit and have the correct measurements. You could be taking the job of someone whose clothes don’t fit.

2. If you’ve lost weight, wonderful. Buy new clothes.

It’s an inspiring thing to lose weight. You feel great, you look great. But, you need to dress great as well. The old you needs to be forgotten just like the size 42 pants you used to wear. Thinking that a belt will cover that is laughable. Your waistline bunches underneath the belt and it looks like you don’t know how to dress yourself. Shirts that are too long make you look like the kid version of Tom Hanks in “BIG.”  But you’re not pulling in $20 million dollar movies, so knock it off. If you can’t dress yourself, it leaves a lot to be desired.

3. Highwaters are only good if there’s a flood.

Just like the collars on shirts and the waistline on pants, the length of your slacks says a lot about you. Ideally, the cuff of your pants should drop to about a half inch to an inch from the ground when you’re standing straight up. You shouldn’t be able to see your socks when you’re standing. Personally, I like to wear my slacks a little snugger than most, but that doesn’t affect the length or how much they rise. Bottom line, wear the pants on your waist and make sure they are no more than an inch off the ground. Or move to Holland and plug a dam.

4. Wear a watch. Wear a watch that fits.

The theme of this post has seemed to turn towards garments, and now accessories, that fit you. Watches are no exception. It’s sloppy to wear a watch that looks like a bracelet that’ll fall off at any moment. Chances are you’re not a rapper, so it ain’t a good look. Go to the mall, get it sized, you’ll feel like a new man. Or woman. And you’ll look like one, too. Trust me.

5. Less is more.

In this vain, I’m referring to the gentleman who just walked in with a hideous tie on. It’s all I could focus on. Really, guy? Is that what you want? I don’t know anything about you, but I know your tie is awful. To this point, less is more. A simple, solid tie would do wonders for you and for the focus of your entire ensemble. It’s like your smacking me in the eyes with your yellow and red tie that doesn’t even match your suit. Yes, it’s making a statement. The wrong kind of statement. Just tone it down a little and we’ll all be better off.

In general, most fashion choices take a little bit of common sense. If you look at yourself in the mirror and something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t. A little thinking can go a long way.

Follow Jason on Twitter at @JasDunham